So I just now scrolled through some of my archives and discovered comments I hadn't read before. He really needs to pick up a hobbie. I really don't need the attention, thanks... and really you should ask yourself why you take the time to #1 read, and then are inclined to use your energy and time to #2 comment. I appreciate feedback, insight, criticism and so forth but it's a bit sad that you still 'care' enough to be curious and things I say effect you enough to spark a response. and not even a response but just empty insults or accusations and mainly based on self-centered ASSUMPTIONS that you have a clue of who or what I'm talking about or that it even has anything to do with any part of the life YOU know. There's a difference between reclusion versus rearranging and sorting people and life-momentous views, by the way. I understand your curiousity etc. in the things I'm saying or thinking but your motives for why you want to know I BELIEVE (correct me if I'm wrong) are simply to search for some type of fuel for your fire; more reasons to try and tell me all about myself and things I've fucked up. I mean it's GREAT that you're so wise that you only need the bare minimum facts, conversations, thoughts, or feelings to unravel the entirety of things in people's lives whom you have NOT been a part of for some time. And OF course you would assume that what I'm saying must have something to do with SOMETHING you know of. Why wouldn't it. I mean really, why do YOU think you even bother? I'm done with that life, I've grown from all of those things, people and so on; and I too have been guilty of letting the curiousity take over but I did get to a point where I refused to let myself anymore because by taking time to read pieces of other people's lives you aren't in and ended on a sour note; you're not letting yourself really let go of that even though it's also impossible to ever BE part of that again EITHER. It's just the common human difficulty of letting go of the past. Most people don't just throw it out and start over, it fades, tapers, and eventually stays a memory. Best remembered for the lessons that point in life taught you and learning not to repeat mistakes you or those around you made that caused strain or pain in life. I suppose that could be it, and I don't really hold it against you; maybe you're just not to that point yet. I mean I pray to God your motives aren't bitter, negative attempts to show ME something about myself by the same, repeated insults that have absolutely no substance or backbone. And ALSO carry with them the idea that you may believe you are showing me something I either don't already know or something of me in which you are certain yet I, (being ME) was unaware of. That would be extreme and I'm sure it's not the case but IN CASE that was in mind I can save you time and tell you it won't work. Something to think about, that perhaps may not have crossed your mind. I hold no bitterness towards anyone from my past that may have hurt me. BUT, and this may be the shocker, I also have no regrets of my past; because each part led me here and it's true, I like to take to hard way sometimes. My dad always told me that, right-o daddy. And you know what? I'm thankful for the things I've learned from you and others like you that stand on the opposite side of the burned bridge. I can keep those lessons and I even hope that those from past relationships, regardless of the bitterness they may hold, have learned something from me that they didn't know before, that shows them maybe just a bit more of all infinite parts of life. Something beneficial...even if it's slight. I'm happy to grow past it though; my desire to mend, understand, or debate anything in regards to my past is virtually gone. So I hope you get to that point and just move on. peace.

We must understand that the character of our citizens is essential to society. In a free and compassionate society, the public good depends on private character. That character is formed and shaped in institutions like family, faith, and the many civil and -- social and civic organizations, from the Boy Scouts to the local Rotary Clubs. The future success of our nation depends on our ability to understand the difference between right and wrong and to have the strength of character to make the right choices. Government cannot create character, but it can and should respect and support the institutions that do.
If you haven't read the article or heard about it or watched the speech; basically if you don't already know who said this I will give you 2 guesses.

these last couple days off have kicked AZZ. Unfortunately it's back to work at five but I feel much better about life after this little break. OH YEAH and if you haven't checked out the new Strongbad E-mail CHCHCHECK it. (click on my homestar link and at the bottom of the homepage it says sb email. click on that. "Yeah I never change my clothes...no no no..." anyway. Girl Anachronism was not written by me it's a Dresden Dolls song. I should specify these things eh? It seemed apropriate. so check them out too. I've added a few links to the faves and blogs section over thur <--- if you didn't notice. Pees.

.......basically I don't like to just hand people more fuel for their fire.

I'm vague because I KNOW who reads this. I say enough to understand myself and just enough so that anyone involved or anyone I may be refering to knows who they are. Some people that read this though are just unable to let go and they would never admit so in "real life" because they are adament about how little they care. If I wanted evryone to know all of my innermost thoughts and secrets i would just openly publish my personal journal. This isn't my personal journal. It is a public blog.

some people criticize thoughts or opinions of others NOT because they disagree or can argue them faithfully but merely because of the person, herself, who forms the opinion or thought...or idea...or observation. because whether fact or fiction some people want to try and tear you down somehow because the hope they have hold of parts. when, in truth, THEY are the one's who cannot let go... you fade like stories and regrets as time goes. you fade. sorry if you can't accept or handle that. i'm so excited about all the new things happening in my life. I am happy with forever :)

It's hard for a lot of people to understand things other people do or ways other people are or decisions other people make unless they, themselves have experienced similar 'life'. Most of the time no matter how much you try to explain something about yourself to someone who hasn't had anywhere near a similar life experience or alike crosses to bear, or lessons learned, they cannot truly understand you in the way you need to be understood. That is why, in this thing= life; humans tend to be drawn to those with not only similar beliefs, ideas, values, personalities, and interest but equally those with similar experiences. Understanding. Many times a person will say they understand, insist on it, and likely believe they really GET IT but; in truth they don't and virtually can't. And if you're the one who needs the understanding, you're the one who KNOWS whether or not you're TRULY being understood. So you feel bad because you're being told "i understand, i do" but you know it's not true and you see how much honesty is in those words; and it pulls at your heart because you don't know what to do. Maybe you immediately accept that this particular person won't understand and you let them go because you know the longer it takes the more damage created. Maybe you decide to keep going in hopes it will eventually turn out okay because you are inspired by their passion in believing it is worth it; YOU'RE worth it, no matter how ignorant or innocent or totally clueless they may be they WANT to be there so you let them, carelessly and selfishly because you still KNOW the likelihood of a happy-ending is slim to none yet you cowardly remain motionless. No action...just a false reality paving your future. Or maybe you're a person who knows the difference between innocence and experience, the youthful carefree and the jaded and damaged. And you know the understanding factor and YOU need understanding and THEY believe they understand. Truth remains they don't. You try and explain; they insist it doesn't matter. Possible future pain and damage from continuing on doesn't matter because it's worth it. because they love you and you love them and that's all that matters. They want to spend THIS time with you regardless of what may happen. You hear them out. Maybe you know better because you know PEOPLE and you know LIFE and you know how love clouds the vision and tricks the heart when not handled with care. But because of need and because of 'love' and because of fear you don't just go but you don't just stay either. because you're not quite strong enough either way. Yet you warn them in everyway possible and you think that's enough...from there it's up to them to make choices in keeping your friendship, your love, your company, your faults and damage. You lie to yourself by thinking it's their choice, their power. As if they would be able to see at all. So it ends bitter and painful just as you feared and contrary to their previous plees and objections; you find it DID matter. Are their other possibilities to this scenario? Depending on the type of human being you are determines your decisions in these situations. I suppose it COULD be possible for a person to learn to understand as time progresses but I don't believe it ever gets to that point in most cases because of patience, self-need and emotion etc. i've seen a lot of friendships and relationships similar to these. Sparked by a conversation i had today with a boy who was talking about dating and age difference etc. You really don't even have to be jaded to understand THAT for the most part; you only have to compare yourself now to yourself years before and how different you are or how much you've grown or changed your views of the world... you can't really do that on the other end. if you're the youngen. you can't really grasp the difference. but I suppose the initial point was that if you have experienced so much life or certain things that have changed you extremely; it is reletively impossible to have a lasting connection or close friendship with a person whom has experienced little or none of it. you can teach them things and you can give them a better idea but you can't let them bite off more than they can chew because they won't know why you let them have such a big piece in the first place. But people learn. life is really just one huge lesson of a journey. everyone hurts someone at some point whether they mean to or not. whether they can control it or not even. And you only really hurt those you hold dear, because no one else really gives you that power. But it doesn't make you a bad person. It adds to your pallette and it might suck A LOT. If you can look at your life and the things you do and your efforts and your HEART and your intentions as well as your faults and your weaknesses and your vices and mistakes. If you can look at ALL of it with open eyes and see how you can improve in order to be a better human being and be happier with yourself and then take steps everyday in those directions no matter how many times you fall; you can bet it will all be worth it and you will grow happier, more peaceful, more confident, and more accepting of other people's ways, views, and actions towards you and towards the world (other people's harsh beliefs and judgements towards you won't matter so much). If anyone who reads this finds themself in a situation with another person that I previously described I would reccomend the first decision as the best. It is the most valiant path; it may leave you lonely for awhile and it may hurt you both for a brief while...but being strong enough to walk away before it's too late will save that person from learning the hard way and they may even find that experiencing life with someone just as inexperienced is more exciting anyway. and if they say it doesn't matter in the end just remember that living only in the moment all your life will cause a lot of built up future consequences that you will consistently try to keep avoiding until it's too late and you crash. True virtue can better be found when you responsibly consider the consequences of every moment. You can have JUST as much fun but you will appreciate it more...and experience it longer.