I think it's a chemical imbalance.  How long does it take to get back to "normal"?  The idea that I will never get there really makes me question the path I'm taking.  A lot of things.  The thoughts that I may always have this THING inside of me that just makes me BAD. That's a feeling.  I feel like I've lost some things and the bad shit is more at the forefront of my mind.  I thought I could brush it off and move on once I accepted my mistake.  I still don't feel right.  Grasping at illusions.  Eluding to self destruction.  I just need to feel something real.