I'm so sleepy right now. I find myself surprised each time I get a comment on my blog.. Mainly because I usually just feel as though people don't understand half of what i feel. When I feel that someone may actually relate...it feels good and...gets my curiosity going. I'm seeing the reality of this life I'm leading now...I know exactly what's going on but I'm not exactly sure what to do right now...maybe I'm just suppose to wait for something for once.. who knows. I do know that I miss someone a lot. But I also know that there's only so much one can do to stay a part of someone else's life. Otherwise you're just forced to love from afar. Which I can do...but I know the other party involved would be happier if it wasn't from such a far. But that's no longer my decision to make. I do know one thing. I'm not f'ing around anymore. When it comes to love that is. I'm done with sewing oats...I'm done with any sort of iffyness, any process or...wet feet...I'm not playing anymore. I'm so freaking picky that I'm most likely screwed but I don't care. I'm not here to play games. I can lay it all out on the table. Most people can't handle that. Most love interests couldn't ever handle me anyway lol. But I'm not really looking for anyone to handle me either. I just know that when the time comes for me to be involved fully, regardless of who it ends up being with; it's not going to be a frivilous vacation...the real deal is what I want. That is SCARY. seriously it freaks me out because it's so...not me...ever. but I'm NOT f'ing around. LOL. (I want to be madly in love....have you ever tried that, without the MADLY?) it's reality. with great highs come great crashes. Since love is about the most important thing we have on this earth, I'm not about to settle for anything of replication or imagination. I know what love is; I've got a lot of it right here. We'll see if I'll ever get to share it wholey with another. I'm not itching to throw it at just anyone. I'm reserving it. To emurse fully...with someone. lol. I'm such a geek sometimes. Where the hell am I going? Who knows. I'm a ramble grumble stumbling nit wit. Lack of sleep leaves for interesting gaps of thought.