Someone asked me if I loved him a little. I told him it was a strange question. It was to me, until I understood. I wasn't sure if he was trying to get me to say something I knew I shouldn't, if he was being... humorous...intoxicated. He texted me the question at 5 in the morning so I assumed it was just that...and nothing else but he asked again so I really had to think. I haven't answered him. I am a very loving person as long as the word "love" isn't taken out of context. Love can be an abundance of things when, at the same time it is only ONE thing. There is unconditional love though. We have it in family and friends we consider family as well. I know that he and I see love differently, completely. So when I answer he will take it as whatever form he believes love to be and not it's only form I see...there to be. It's not hard for me to love the world and humanity. When it comes to individuals expecting it from me or, wondering and waiting...that's when it's harder.
On a different note, I find that volunteering is a really good way to meet people. At least for me. People with similar ideas about the world. People who branch out and just do things because they have the time. It's good. I rather enjoy it. Each Sunday morning, well, at noon, I will be volunteering and I'm checking out the Big Sisters program in Des Moines too. Not only will that be helpful to the community but it will also be helpful to me when I get into social work, they'll see I actively took interest. The only thing I have to do is keep my system clean. Which is good anyway :)
That's where I met J. He's a nice boy. Well, he's not quite a boy, he's a police officer lol. But I didn't know that until yesterday morning. He doesn't wear his uniform to volunteer. We got on the topic of jobs, and i was a little shocked. He asked me if I was going to run away now...or if he should find a different church. I just told him he didn't look like a cop (good one Kara, just great)...he just laughed. But I'm definitely not giving him my blog address...not yet or for a while anyway... that was a mistake I've made too many times meeting people off the bat. I want to do more volunteering, find other things I can do because I just started and now I'm like; addicted. It really makes you feel good, you know? Saint Anthony's is next Sunday or maybe the next I'll have to check, but they also sponsor (if that's the word) other food pantry's not just out of that specific church but in other buildings as well.
Still feels like there's a fight within me about my own place in the world but I'm getting there.
There's someone I notice, whom shares very similar feelings as the ones I profess here. That leaves for a bit of intrique...