i see a lot of things. here. tonight.
i see that i miss you. but is it for the wrong reasons?
i contemplate my history. look into my past. compare/contrast.
what is it that I do wrong exactly?
i pay attention to the details of events in my relationships.
in my IN LOVE. in my underlying emotions of things.
i see how easy it is to fall back into.
to fall.
to condition conformity comfort.
to routine. because now time has past and things that were initially decisive and clear due to logic and self reflection become skewed in part to emotion and heart, in regards to need and want...in how easily we forget why we do things in the first place.
then...at these times I wonder...
what is it that is the basis for true right and wrong?

which of these things do I take from as fact and wisdom? and which do I discard as confusion, humanity, idealism, irrationality?
want, need, truth, deception, society, codependence, isolation.

what parts, compartmentalizing my ways into decisions.

yet I know not............................I know not what is the true strength in who i am, what I am, where I'm going.
i see force, passion, desire for the things I otherwise shake off as illogic and self gratification of some kind...in lights of lonliness I excuse them for wants of irrationality. in raw emotion I beg for them to be my true path in life.
i know nothing.

i will say it again and again.
I just hope i will find whatever it is I'm looking for.
I see hopeless romance within me...is love fleeting or eternal?
I see all sides.
and know not ONE THING.
I cannot be wise.
only innocent and jaded...
only experienced and ignorant.
not a thing.
i hope this is only pessimism talking... something not long ago...so far from who I am...