So yeah. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm..................i think i'm getting a new job tomorrow since i believe i'm no longer employed, neat huh? retarded. whatever. story of Kara....
Anyway so Jez and I were up late because I couldn't sleep so i kept her up and we discussed going to the porn shop for a goof since nothing at home was satisfying us... i quickly retracted the idea though just thinking about the porn shop and the aura ect...in that place. The reason i am bringing this up is because of a fellow blogger's e-mail to me in reply to an early discussion about the porno industry and pornography. ALSO "Chase" and I had a somewhat similar discussion (he has the same attitude and the other boy i just mentioned about it) and since i'm not going to just be AOK with some Cockfaced view of the subject I thought I'd ellaborate on my opinions a bit. i get really sick to my stomach when i think about porn for some reason... the only times i've ever watched it was for a laugh, with a group of friends, mocking and laughing and such. sure people would get semi-turned on but it was never for that purpose and even when i think about THAT i get ill at ease. i believe it's the incredible problem i have with human objectification. i KNOW i know...we've all been guilty at one point or another of this, but in excess and overindulgence and so on, that really throws me off and above all TURNS me off when i think about people in this. even my closest girlfriend. it bothers me; i can't help it. all of it. maybe i'm just wrong or being too...i don't know...something...too something; i tend to be too "something" sometimes. but i guess it's just how i am. i really can say pornography and prostitution and stripping etc...are things i cannot stand to even consider accepting anymore, it could be also for my disgust in perversion and sexual deviance. The devient beget devience and it scares me to some point; also the secrecy of it. i guess it bother me less when a person is open about it, like TBone, for example...i can just say "sick, shut-up..." but be somewhat satisfied that he's that open about it. then again men and women are different. women hide dildos, men hide porn, homos hide lube and anal douches and dykes hide strap ons and......ANYWAY...okay i honestly fit in none of the above secrets. i have my images in my mind, my love and desire and physical human instinct and that's just fine. but even those are things of little significance to my daily thoughts and needs. Love turns me on. intimacy and truth and passion. guess i could just be boring...but don't ask or bring it up if you're expecting sometype of satisfaction that i'm just as perverse. you're disappointed that i'm not as "open" or "interested" in experimentation or alternatives to what i've already made my decision and determination in life for. i'm not trying to turn YOU on or please YOU... so, sorry! Being in love, in truth; makes you look at anything else you ever thought you wanted before or that you could possibly be satisfied with alternatively in a different light...so insignificant and unsubstantial. so surface and shallow and ridiculous when i think of it now. it's so different than what i once believed i suppose. and today, for the first time; i FULLY understood the importance of living for purpose and consideration and consequence. Living moment to moment can be a truly dangerous and evil thing....i really didn't understand to the point i now do..because moments can seem so overwhelming and right while you're in them but to be taken by them and to indulge in them frivilously; blind to the future whether moments to come or years...can lead to the ware of the soul and to the decaying of a heart. my heart is to be full and bright and true, for the rest of my life; no matter what... it's something so significant that the determination i have to grow in will and strength is so certain; i have no doubts.