yeah, that probably really didn't make any sense. i was way too tired to make any sense at that point, in fact I shouldn't have even posted that last blog because of how many parts I left out.

Oh well. Haven't been to work the last couple of days, i'm getting better I hope though. Tori's new CD The Bee Keeper, is amazing, I also got her book: Piece by piece. I can't wait to read it. Saw her on Carson last night and cried, yes, cried...because she has a tendency to do that to me; plus I've been really emotionally lately therefore really "avoidy". except late at night when Jez and I are laying around or sitting around talking about things we should do. Our imaginations just go and we end up laughing until we can't take the pain anymore....no wait...we still keep laughing but we cry too. my abs still hurt from last night. We create such a different world in our little apartment sometimes. If we actually put some effort into doing some of the things we talk about, the ideas we have, we could totally kick ass at them....we could create things in life that we create in our minds and we could really share them with people, rather than trying to explain them. We have a book in mind to write together also. We could do it....


On another note I find lately that sex has become a repulsive thought to me. This...is weird... I have no idea why; not a clue. But I find that if there a sex scene in a movie on TV I'll get disgusted by it and turn my head or hide my eyes, if someone talks about anything sexually specific i'll be repulsed. I'm sure it's just a weird way I'm in at the time but I can't really figure it out. Maybe it also has to do with the recent surfacing of my thoughts on perversion and the male mind (not always just the male mind but mostly). I can't shake my thoughts about this lately and my feelings towards the way men are when it comes to sex. I'm sure it's also because the topic has come up often in conversation lately. There's no guy that I've gotten to know or been involved with that doesn't have at least SOMETHING that drives me nuts when it comes to the way he is about sex or females (unless they're gay, then they drive me nuts about their promiscuity with other boys.) But the fact that we've been talking about all these things recently makes it more in my thoughts I guess. I'm not saying I hate men. I just can't handle them when it comes to some things. I have many male friends, gay and straight, and I can enjoy their company and have fun with them and talk to them and it's fine, it's fun. Dating them? that's a totally different story. Mostly it's impossible and not very....interesting to me anyway. I am NOT getting into this right now. Anyway men and women are so different it's insane. We're equally human though, neither better nor worse than the other. Some of us (Kara) just can't stand certain things about boys. I could go off about some things about females that drive me nuts too but I'll save it for the book...

Alkaline Trio in May...going to Ohio; it's going to be great. We'll stay with mi numera una...(is that spelled right?) I'm rusty on my espanolo. May 6. awesome.
Can't wait...then the HSA Festival May 26....gotta save $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
fo rizzy.

oh yeah, I was going to write an explanation all about my thoughts of why i've made certain decisions but decided I didn't want to be emotional any more today...so I'll do that when the thoughts hit me again...if there's a computer around.

Hope everyone is well....Beki and Beth may be up Saturday, maybe they'll finally hang out with me this time (joke...kinda) but it would be fun. alright, off to read my Tori.