how does someone i don't even know nor have i ever met strike a spark of jealousy in me? i get mad. i read things i promised myself to not read and then, randomly deciding to...for SOME unexplained reason; read again...and i see her name and...why do you mention her? you don't know her...don't say her name...reading you i see you're nothing but a lacky wannabe, hoping to be labled as: known as someone...don't say her name. you don't know her...i know her. i'll always know her better than anyone...whether or not proximity is an issue. I'm not suppose to care.. I mean it's outwardly proven that i do not.. but it inflames my heart.
passionately almost and I want to lash out. but i know i'll keep it all in and it will drowned away eventually...but right now it's open and i'm not gaurded enough. i just hope that you are happy. happier now; i mean you SHOULD be...without all the crap of ME in the way. I know it's better, but...sometimes human drama is hard to brush off as distraction. "Creation, Destruction, Creation, Destruction"
okay...that's from the movie I HEART HUCKABIES...but it's true in part. Awesome movie P.S.
I want to scream at the top of my lungs. scream you out. puke you out. drink you out. you're always there though. i think just time. i will wait you out. time helps me forget. there's so much i've forgotten. like Micah. I barely remember that part of my life. it's hard...i have to strain to remember any of it. It's not all what some may think who may read this though. The parts i want to keep...remember...be in forever...are the parts i'm keeping close and staying WITH. i am better like this. As human. As traveler. As lover. Some people are hard to just leave behind though.

"How am I not myself? how am I not...myself? how am I
NOT myself? myself? my
self? How am i NOT myself?"