I don't feel loved today. I don't feel cared for. I feel desolate and alone on a single content...all my own. I don't let it in though if anyone came to rescue me from my island I would hide in a tree...I don't want to hide but no one can find me. or they don't have arms strong enough to pull me out of the branches. I never want to be saved. I never want to need anything. I want to be alone and okay with it. But I'm still not okay. But I got away today. I can't look into any eyes everything in me is wrong. I am overflowing and empty. If I show it everyone is gone. and I'm showing and they're gone. I know these feelings are temporary and I can be strong I know if I found a nitch or thread to start with...something to touch...that it would be okay. ... but I can't just say it...I can't just ask anything of anyone I can't explain anything. I don't know what's wrong with me I am suppose to be the one that helps...comfort I am suppose to be comfort how can comfort need comfort? I'm without myself. Grey all around. It's like vommit like hollows people out. I want to be full not hollow. I want to be okay. I want to be happy. I am happy...what is happening ... this timing is off it is wrong. I am not suppose to be this way. I have to be strong; can't lift a finger and toe. The only time it gets better is if I say it's okay. I can't speak; my lips won't move...I can only feel and react and my reactions are off...my reaction cause other reactions from others...introverted..
no one ever wants to pull you out
of your
door.
in the way that they reach their hand in softly and you just grab on. They just wait for the wind to blow it open...or they try to break it down.

and I understand
that's how it works. I understand I'm doing it wrong.

I know
so I can't be upset.
It's all myself

like always how I fix things. I just want someone to fold me...hold me when I'm cry. And you're tired of breaking it down
and you're tired of telling me why.

I need someone to just.
tell me what's wrong with me
I hope it's okay.
I'll be okay tomorrow.