I find myself in social situations totally lost. I know that may sound funny especially sense I'm a somewhat social person but I am with these people and I just look around and have no idea why I'm there half the time. I feel uncomfortable often but don't show it too often because when someone sees that they get uncomfortable too. I wouldn't want to make that happen. I just compare myself to some people I interact with and just shake my head; or "think" shaking my head lol. Because I often think "wow, I am absolutely nothing like this person (or these people) why am I here?"...But it's true that people baffle me and I understand sometimes that saying anything about it would do nothing but cause some unnecessary conflict..and make no difference. Then if I just let "go" of thinking about that aspect at all I just don't fit in in any way...because I'll talk and it seems as though when I do that in certain settings; people really don't get me at all...or what I'm saying and if they slightly understand they really don't think about it or care too much about it...so instead of bringing them to my level I go to theirs. Because it is easier for them that way and...less frustrating for me. Don't get me wrong; this isn't with everyone; just some people. So I wonder why I bother...because they seem to enjoy the company but...something with that doesn't seem quite right. Very few people seem to spark my interest when it comes to getting to know them after a certain point. Mike does though; he always seems to spark my interest no matter what the topic; frame of mind; emotion; or what have you. There are a few others who also do that but I wonder what is wrong with me that I can't seem to keep that initial interest I have when I meet someone; because I am REALLY interested in people when I meet them; interested in knowing about their lives, their thoughts; anything...then at some point; it's like...hm. that was...interesting while it lasted. Maybe my expectations are too high. Who knows. I feel like a fake in a way though when it comes to this; it's disturbing me. because why AM I there? here? where ever I may be at the time...with whomever...and then I was also thinking that sometimes it's just pointless to make any plans because then it gets to be the time of what you planned and you'd rather be doing something else; because you miss someone, or you're just not comfortable with the situation. Why can't I just go see someone when I miss them and want to see them? What's with all these rules? We make for ourselves. I slept 2.5-3 hours last night. but it was a good dead sleep. I've totally lost my train of thought now. Clark's about to open the lead box. I want a banana. I'm going to stop typing now. wow.